Victim to Victor

Life experiences, past or present, can sometimes be traumatic in nature. But do they have the power to limit your destiny? We attach meaning to the things that happen to us every day. This meaning refers to the core beliefs we have about ourselves, others and the future.  Beliefs influence behaviours, behaviours become habits and habits form character.  

  

Our beliefs also affect our neuroplastic brains. The more we rehearse our beliefs (negative or positive), the more adapted our brains become to think in the same manner. Neural connections are like paths. Ruminating on self defeating thoughts for hours, days and weeks together cause the brain to establish negative neural pathways that can make people feel depressed or anxious.

However, positive neural pathways can be established by thinking positive, deliberately. The best way to form positive beliefs is by speaking positive affirmations. This requires repetition and persistence. Many people discontinue positively affirming themselves as they do not see immediate results. The excuses being, they still feel the same or still behave in the same manner. But new neural connections get stronger only when we sustain i.e. repeating new thoughts and behaviours over an extensive period of time till they become automatic.

Depression and anxiety have one thing in common- a sense of powerlessness. But victory comes from a victor’s mentality. Do you want to travel on the mediocre path formed by self limiting beliefs and actions or take the path that leads to awesomeness?  If your answer is the latter, then it’s time to stop complaining “I can’t do this, I am afraid, I am a failure” and start declaring “I can, I am strong, I am a champion”.

The Tormented Mind

The World Health Organisation (WHO) report states that a person commits suicide every 40 seconds globally. As a counselor, I've sought to understand what could possibly be happening inside the mind of a suicidal person. Why does death appear to be a rational choice? We all have experienced disappointments, rejections, mistreatments and failures at some point in our lives and for most of us it’s a daily dose of bitter medicine. Because while some accept it believing all things will eventually work together for good, others throw up worse things than what went in. It’s matter of each one’s perspective. So it would be right to conclude that, in the presence of a storm, our thinking determines whether we overcome or become fearful, angry and depressed.

A suicidal mind is a web of self condemning thoughts that make the person feel worthless, helpless, hopeless, ashamed and/or revengeful.  I've listed some of the internal dialogues that a suicidal person believes and rehearses.  

• “I can’t take this anymore”- Desperately seeking a way out of their suffering- physical or psychological, death seems to be the only hope to the suicidal mind. They strongly believe their present circumstances are uniquely beyond control.
•  “No one loves me, I’m alone”- The typical Poor Me Syndrome. The person feels like a victim and wallows in self pity because others are perceived as inconsiderate and rude.
•   “There is no hope for me, things won’t change” - They have their eyes set on the misfortunes in life rather than the blessings they receive every day. They spent hours reliving sad moments, being completely convinced that there is no sunshine in their lives.
•   “I’m a failure, I’m not good enough”- Setbacks in personal or professional life are immediately seen as signs of personal inadequacy. Also comparing self to others paves way for developing a sense of worthlessness.
•  “Die! Die! I don’t deserve to live”- Overwhelming guilt and shame can cause a person to become preoccupied with self destruction.
•    “I was unjustly treated, I will teach them a lesson”- Inability to resolve conflicts or express anger in a healthy manner may drive the rage-filled suicidal person to hurt self with an intention to hurt others. 

We all have an inner voice of judgment (VOJ), the internal critic that causes self doubt and negative thinking. Dwelling on these thoughts and believing them to be true can affect our daily functioning and relationships. But the good news is we can decide what we choose to meditate on day and night. A battle worth fighting is inside our mind.

Suicidal persons also have a war going on in their minds. For although they have a wish to die, they also have a parallel wish to be rescued. Most of suicidal persons send out pleas for help. Some may speak about their intentions, threaten or pen them down in songs and poems, some may isolate themselves, some may self mutilate and some may have a history of suicidal attempts. It would be unwise to label these signals of distress as ‘attention – seeking behaviours’ or ‘just a passing phase.’ Recognizing warning signs and timely intervention helps in prevention of suicidal deaths. So don’t overlook the perpetually angry neighbour, the withdrawn teenager, the unkempt student in the class, the alcoholic husband, the depressed wife and the chronically absent employee. They require help.

Furthermore, as parents, educators and counselors we have a responsibility to progressively train our children to understand that offences are inevitable but feeling bitter is optional, that trials produce character, that they can walk with their heads held high despite failures or personal mistakes, that happiness depends on the quality of one’s thoughts and that nerves of steel cannot be developed in the absence of opposition, rejection, criticisms, pressure and right believing.