Why do crimes by women against men make headlines?

Why do crimes by women against men make headlines—while daily violence against women is met with silence?

Because one is rare, and the other is routine.

The overwhelming majority of gender-based violence is committed by men against women. But we’ve normalized it so deeply that it barely registers in our collective memory.

We don’t remember the daily assaults, harassment, and abuse women face—because society expects women to endure it.

Silence enables violence. Awareness is the first step to change.

Not by ignoring rare cases, but by refusing to overlook the widespread ones.

Shouldn't blame everything on social media.

There was a lot of buzz around the Netflix series 'Adolescence'. I never subscribed to Netflix, but since many people recommended it, I gave it a watch. After finishing the series, I reflected critically on the storyline. The acting was good, no doubt—but the story itself felt shallow.

A lot of conversations online seem to link the show to the idea that social media is fueling misogyny. But let’s be honest—misogyny existed long before Television and Social media.  Take a look at the crime data against women in India over the past four decades. I grew up in Mumbai and have heard and witnessed horrifying incidents: a female newborn dumped in a public dustbin, women burned alive over dowry demands, husbands dragging their wives through the streets to humiliate them, men beating their wives mercilessly, and young girls being warned not to speak up against harassment because the man might throw acid in revenge. These incidents have happened all across the country, and they still happen today.

As psychologists, we regularly work with teens from deeply disturbed backgrounds. The things they share with us would give nightmares to someone not trained in mental health. And it’s not just emotional strain—we’re also trained to deal with physical threats. I remember during my internship at Kalwa Hospital in Mumbai, a man diagnosed with schizophrenia suddenly stood up on his hospital bed and started threatening me. I stood up and firmly commanded him to sit down. We’re taught to protect ourselves, because unfortunately, some psychologists have been seriously harmed or even killed by clients in the past.

When a lay person watches Adolescence, they might find the main character’s outburst towards his psychologist very compelling. But for those of us in the field, it’s not surprising at all. We know how intense therapy sessions can get—emotions can run high, and clients can shift from calm to aggressive in a matter of seconds.

Also, blaming toxic masculinity on social media oversimplifies the issue. Toxic masculinity is not a new phenomenon—it has long been embedded in our society. Social media may amplify it, but it doesn't originate there. The roots often lie in what children see and learn at home from a young age.

If we really want to address these issues, we need to look deeper than just blaming platforms. It’s about changing mindsets, and that starts early—at home, in our communities, and through education.

Are You Entertaining Opportunists or Are You One?

Opportunists see you as a means to an end. They use you to advance their own agenda. 

Opportunists recognise that you can provide them the position or the platform to boost their ego. 

They will flatter you in order move ahead. Don't expect them to be grateful when they get there.

You will get no credit for your efforts to uplift them. 

Opportunists will dishonour you as soon as they get the position, recognition or platform they desire. 

It's good to help people and unlock their potential but filter out the opportunists. 

7 Signs of a Conversational Narcissist

A conversational narcissist will show a consistent pattern of the following behaviors:

1. Interrupts frequently. Will not let you finish your sentence or point.  

2.  Dominates the conversation. 

3. Sidelines your story and share their own story while making it look bigger, better, or worse than what you're narrating.

4. Mostly focus the conversation on their own life experiences no matter how petty or insignificant those experiences are.

5. Has poor listening skills. Will come to their own conclusion of what you say without listening to you completely.

6. Shows no curiosity when others speak. Mostly not interested in asking questions to understand the other person. 

7. Body language is a good indicator. Will show disinterest, contempt, or roll eyes when others speak but light up when speaking. 

When psychopaths and narcissists are parents

We often hear or speak highly about parental love - the most purest and unconditional form of love. 

However, this is not the case with all parents. 

One quote says that 'God cannot be everywhere that's why He created mothers'.

But what if the mother or the father are working for the devil? 

Following are some cases: 

1.The mother, an expert in AI ethics and the CEO of a startup kills her son. 

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/goa/who-is-suchana-seth-mindful-ai-lab-ceo-woman-ceo-kills-son-in-goa-what-police-said-about-bengalurus-killer-mom-and-chilling-murder/articleshow/106661615.cms

2. This dentist throws her daughter off the balcony. 

https://www.ndtv.com/bangalore-news/on-cctv-bengaluru-woman-throws-her-4-year-old-from-4th-floor-girl-dies-3227553

3. Father kills daughter to make his wife suffer. 

https://www.timesnownews.com/hyderabad/hyderabad-father-arrested-for-killing-8-year-old-daughter-to-make-his-wife-suffer-article-102869208

4. Father kills daughter for spending excessive time on her cell phone. 

https://www.newindianexpress.com/states/karnataka/2023/aug/28/man-kills-daughter-for-spending-time-on-phone-in-karnatakas-kolar-2609339.html

Similar stories that made international headlines:

1. Man kills pregnant wife and daughters to make way for a new love interest. 

 https://www.foxnews.com/us/christopher-watts-drove-45-minutes-with-dead-wife-2-daughters-before-smothering-them-with-favorite-blanket-dumping-bodies-in-oil-tank-familys-attorney-says

2. Mother kills two kids after the judge orders them to spend Christmas with father. 

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/2-children-allegedly-slain-mother-day-ve-dad-court-records-show-rcna131937

3. Father lined up 3 sons and executed them with a rifle. 

https://www.fox19.com/2023/06/16/dad-lined-sons-up-executed-them-with-rifle-prosecutor-says/

These cases are not remote or uncommon. With easy access to world media, we will find such cases in almost every country happening daily. We need to become aware of the harsh realities of people with a psychopathic or narcissistic personality. 

Mental health is not limited to depression or anxiety. Some people suffer from personality disorders and are quite capable of doing the most unimaginable cruel things to those around them. 

Life becomes a living hell for children with such parent(s). Either the children are killed or tortured physically, psychologically, financially, or sexually. The trauma that these children suffer is lifelong. 

Do not expect psychopathic or narcissistic parents to get better over time, they get worse.

This article is not to demean good parents but to build awareness of the dangerous ones. There are a lot of parents who love their children and will do everything in their capacity to nurture, protect, and guide their children in the right direction. 

But...

1. DO NOT assume that ALL parents are the same. 

2. DO NOT assume that ALL parents have their child's best interest at heart no matter what they say or portray to the world. 

3. DO NOT assume that people (whether parents or not) with degrees from renowned institutes or holding high positions have a healthy character. 

4. DO NOT assume that all parents who kill their children are depressed or lack financial resources. Some are straight-up psychopathic. 

5. DO NOT assume that parents abusing their children is part of healthy disciplining. 

Rescue the child(ren) before it's too late. 

Suicide Prevention

 September 10th is observed as World Suicide Prevention Day.  

What can schools do to prevent suicide?

1. Create regular mental health awareness sessions. 

2. Create a positive attitude towards failures and encourage learning from failures. 

3. Encourage students to seek counselling and refer at-risk students.  

4. Train teachers to identify warning signs and support children who are emotionally distressed. 

5. Collaborate with parents or legal guardians. 

What can peers do to prevent suicide?

1. Encourage the peer/ friend to seek professional counselling or refer them to one. Don't take it upon yourself to counsel the person. 

2. Ensure safety comes before confidentiality. Break the code of silence. Inform a trusted teacher, adult, family member or counsellor. 

3. Avoid mocking the distressed peer/ friend and avoid trivializing their concerns. 

What can parents do to prevent suicide?

1. Understand the warning signs. 80% of suicidal people give out verbal and behavioural warning signs for weeks and months. 

2. Avoid magnifying or minimizing the child's concerns. 

3. Seek timely professional help. 

4. Don't assume that suicidal thoughts won't reappear after counselling. Be vigilant. 

5. Avoid shaming the child for being sensitive. 

Anti-bullying

Recognize the type of bullying

1. Physical Bullying (More common among boys)

• Hitting, punching, pinching, kicking, tripping

• Damaging the property of the target. 

2. Verbal bullying 

• Insulting 

• Name calling 

• Using foul language

• Taunting 
  

3. Social Bullying (Covert form of bullying which is not easily noticeable. More common among girls)

•  Intimidation

• Spreading rumours about the target. 

• Making false accusations against the target. 

• Ganging up against the target. 

• Intentionally excluding the target or making them feel excluded. 

• Contemptuous facial expressions, remarks, tone or laugh.

• Reminding the target of their past failures, mistakes etc repeatedly.

• Making jokes that are hurtful and then justify it by saying “I was just kidding”.  

• Mimicking to mock the target.

4. Cyber bullying 

• Using the internet or technology to harass, intimidate, insult, or ruin the reputation of another.

• Online bullying or harassment can be reported at https://cybercrime.gov.in

Prohibit every form of bullying whether in the classroom, dormitory, dining hall, or anywhere within the school premises. 

Causes of bullying - Why the bully bullies?

1. Insecurity 

2. Envy

3. Power struggle

4. Prejudice

5. Negative peer pressure

6. Lack of purpose in life

7. Lack of empathy 

Bullies don’t operate alone

• Flying Monkeys - ‘Flying monkeys’ is a term to describe people who are used by a narcissist to harass their target. In the school environment, you will notice that bullies use gullible people to gang up against their target. Teach students to become independent thinkers. 

Dealing with students who bully

• Some students don’t realise when they are bullying others. They are working on the instructions of another. Encourage independent thinking. 

• Students who are acting out of envy need to direct their energy to work on themselves rather than against others. 

• Students who are power-hungry need to be taught 21st century leadership skills. 

• Students who lack remorse, are acting out of spite or are repeated offenders need to face strict consequences. 

• Parents must be notified.