Set your sights high

Goal setting is considered one of the best ways to turn dreams into reality. Generally, goals are set in the following areas- academic, career, physical fitness, financial, business, relationships and so on. Goal setting is intended to increase motivate, improve productivity and achieve desired results. Very often we hear or read about setting SMART goals. SMART is an acronym for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. While the SMART method is frequently touted as a logical process for goal setting, I find this technique overrated. Here’s why. 

SMART goals provide a play- safe zone and create a sense of security as a lot of people are afraid to fail, worse still, even try. Although, SMART goals reduce the probability of disappointments they cap personal and professional growth. By downplaying the role of effort in achievement, the SMART tool fools people into believing that talent beats hard work therefore goals must be set depending on each individual’s level of ability. But is anyone absolutely sure of their level of ability? For, unless you stretch yourself, you won’t realize your true potential. Research studies have proved that people who increase efforts towards goal attainment are more likely to conquer difficult goals than people who rely on their abilities to achieve. For instance, a student or an employee who believes that effort produces superior output is more likely to put up a better performance than the one who believes that some special ability is required for achievement. 

SMART goals fail to motivate and undermines human ingenuity. Think about it! Did SMART goals inspire scientist to make breakthrough inventions? Their ideas were criticized as unrealistic and unachievable. Nevertheless, persistence paid off. Their unrealistic goals yielded outstanding results. Successful innovators, entrepreneurs, athletes, artists, salespersons and high achievers in various fields are often ridiculed for having insanely great and unreasonable goals. Yet, they choose to stay relentless no matter how long it takes and how many times they get knocked down. People who achieve the impossible don’t worry about the foolishness of their ideas or the enormity of their goals. They simply follow the formula: vision + hard work + perseverance = success.

To conclude, SMART goals are restrictive, insipid and limit human potential. Definitely works for those who want to play it safe. But if you are keen on personal growth, set goals that encourage you to step out of your comfort zone - goals that ignite your spirit and test your limits. The path to reaching your goals is not free of obstacles, mistakes and delays but the key is to keep pressing on. Don’t stop when naysayers, dream crushers and your own inner critic, question your ambition or ability to reach your goals. Remember, resistance builds strength. If you enjoy challenges and detest mediocrity, set your sights high fearlessly. As Maya Angelou puts it "If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." 

   

  

Excuses employees make for poor productivity

1. “I'm not paid enough” - You took up the job on your own accord therefore you are responsible to produce quality work that either matches or exceeds your pay scale.

2. “I don’t know how” - Your employer expects you to upgrade your knowledge and build your skills. Get updated or become outdated. 

3. “I'm too stressed”- Take a break. Don’t show up and not perform. You’re wasting company resources.

4. “It’s not my fault”- Quit looking for scapegoats. Accept responsibility when you screw up.

5. “The job is not permanent”- Stop wasting company money. Pull your socks up and start performing.

6. “Personal problem”- Who asked you to dwell on your problem? Isn't everyone fighting a battle?  

And the award winning excuse…

7. “I didn't have enough time”- Please check if Mark Zuckerberg’s social networking service is hogging your time.

Who are you taking advice from?

• If you are having a toothache would consult an ENT specialist?

• If you want to get into shape would you consult a person who is out of shape?

• If you are planning to save money would consult a compulsive spender?

• If you are looking for encouragement would you consult a gloomy Gus?

• If you want an expert advice would you consult a rookie?

• If you want a relationship advice would consult a person who is not or has never been in a healthy and committed relationship? 

• If you are feeling ambitious about your goals would you consult a lackadaisical person?

• If you want to grow your business would you consult your competitor?

I’m sure your answer to the above questions is a big NO (unless you prefer being naive). Yet every single day we discuss and place our issues in front of anyone who is willing to listen.

When it comes to making personal decisions everyone will have an opinion for you, I mean literally everyone – your friends, cousins, neighbours, brother/sister-in-law, colleagues, religious members, father’s friend or the housemaid. People feel important when they give advice hence they share their knowledge or lack of it and secretly hope you follow their counsel.

Some advices also come from beyond the grave.  I don’t mean to spook you but people do come up with silly dialogues such as “That was his/her last wish for you” or “The soul spoke to me in my dream and has asked me to convey the message to you”.

Some even claim to have heard from God about the “exact” choice you have to make – be it the exact study course to pursue, the exact job to take up or the exact person to marry. It is easy to get fooled when someone tells you “God spoke to me about you”.  We feel good to receive divine messages but use your wisdom when making decisions than regret later and blame God for your foolishness.

Beware of people who use fear instilling persuasive tricks to influence your decision-making because it serves their hidden motive while you become the sheep being taken for slaughter. I may sound a bit harsh but that’s just the plain truth. You have to practice discernment. I say this from personal experience of inviting others to suggest solutions to my problems.  Yet I always do what I think is the best for me.

Think long-term for major life decisions. Will you be satisfied with the decision, you make now, 5 or 10 years down the line? Thinking critically is an important habit that one must practice while solving problems and making decisions. Poor decisions don’t make one a failure. Don’t beat yourself up for past errors. Every person has committed lapses in judgment while making a choice. However, failure to calculate the consequences of your future decisions may cost you dearly. Likewise, following advice from unwise, ignorant or manipulative persons will lead you astray.

It’s good to seek advice but from those who will let you see the consequences of your choices rather than make the choice for you.  Go to the right person. Consult the right people. But remember no one is completely qualified to give you the best advice. Everyone has a different opinion about life. Therefore, always ask God to direct your steps. 

10 SECRETS TO GREATNESS

1. Commit yourself to greatness - Leave behind the mindset of mediocrity. Being an ‘average’ is a comfortable place to be. Step out of your comfort zone. Take risks. Don’t do things the way they are always done. Change the status quo.

2. Dare to take a stand - Not everyone will like you but who cares!

3. Become addicted to positive thinking - Repeat inner conversations that affirm you.

4. Don’t let fear hold you captive - Fear kills dreams, fear steals joy and fear inhibits progress. Face your fears head on.

5. Surround yourself with people who walk in faith than reason - Faith walkers always expect the best. They encourage and challenge you to be the best you can be. Whereas, people led by reason operate in fear and always anticipate the worst. Unfortunately, there are plenty of those around.

6. Don’t settle for anything less - Go for the exact thing you need. Shun people who advise you to accept that which is “somewhat like the exact thing” because they think they have your best interest at heart. Liars!

7. Work more than you get paid - Make it impossible to find a replacement as outstanding as you.

8. Pursue excellence - Sharpen your skills, keep yourself updated, set high standards, compete against yourself and most of all persevere.

9. Leave the past behind - Everyone has made mistakes. Don’t let your past decisions cloud your hope for the future. Keep your eyes focused on moving upward.

10. Trust God - Not a very easy thing to do when things are moving at a slow pace, but trusting God at all times will strengthen your body and mind. A person who has his/her heart fixed on God is unstoppable.

Victim to Victor

Life experiences, past or present, can sometimes be traumatic in nature. But do they have the power to limit your destiny? We attach meaning to the things that happen to us every day. This meaning refers to the core beliefs we have about ourselves, others and the future.  Beliefs influence behaviours, behaviours become habits and habits form character.  

  

Our beliefs also affect our neuroplastic brains. The more we rehearse our beliefs (negative or positive), the more adapted our brains become to think in the same manner. Neural connections are like paths. Ruminating on self defeating thoughts for hours, days and weeks together cause the brain to establish negative neural pathways that can make people feel depressed or anxious.

However, positive neural pathways can be established by thinking positive, deliberately. The best way to form positive beliefs is by speaking positive affirmations. This requires repetition and persistence. Many people discontinue positively affirming themselves as they do not see immediate results. The excuses being, they still feel the same or still behave in the same manner. But new neural connections get stronger only when we sustain i.e. repeating new thoughts and behaviours over an extensive period of time till they become automatic.

Depression and anxiety have one thing in common- a sense of powerlessness. But victory comes from a victor’s mentality. Do you want to travel on the mediocre path formed by self limiting beliefs and actions or take the path that leads to awesomeness?  If your answer is the latter, then it’s time to stop complaining “I can’t do this, I am afraid, I am a failure” and start declaring “I can, I am strong, I am a champion”.

The Tormented Mind

The World Health Organisation (WHO) report states that a person commits suicide every 40 seconds globally. As a counselor, I've sought to understand what could possibly be happening inside the mind of a suicidal person. Why does death appear to be a rational choice? We all have experienced disappointments, rejections, mistreatments and failures at some point in our lives and for most of us it’s a daily dose of bitter medicine. Because while some accept it believing all things will eventually work together for good, others throw up worse things than what went in. It’s matter of each one’s perspective. So it would be right to conclude that, in the presence of a storm, our thinking determines whether we overcome or become fearful, angry and depressed.

A suicidal mind is a web of self condemning thoughts that make the person feel worthless, helpless, hopeless, ashamed and/or revengeful.  I've listed some of the internal dialogues that a suicidal person believes and rehearses.  

• “I can’t take this anymore”- Desperately seeking a way out of their suffering- physical or psychological, death seems to be the only hope to the suicidal mind. They strongly believe their present circumstances are uniquely beyond control.
•  “No one loves me, I’m alone”- The typical Poor Me Syndrome. The person feels like a victim and wallows in self pity because others are perceived as inconsiderate and rude.
•   “There is no hope for me, things won’t change” - They have their eyes set on the misfortunes in life rather than the blessings they receive every day. They spent hours reliving sad moments, being completely convinced that there is no sunshine in their lives.
•   “I’m a failure, I’m not good enough”- Setbacks in personal or professional life are immediately seen as signs of personal inadequacy. Also comparing self to others paves way for developing a sense of worthlessness.
•  “Die! Die! I don’t deserve to live”- Overwhelming guilt and shame can cause a person to become preoccupied with self destruction.
•    “I was unjustly treated, I will teach them a lesson”- Inability to resolve conflicts or express anger in a healthy manner may drive the rage-filled suicidal person to hurt self with an intention to hurt others. 

We all have an inner voice of judgment (VOJ), the internal critic that causes self doubt and negative thinking. Dwelling on these thoughts and believing them to be true can affect our daily functioning and relationships. But the good news is we can decide what we choose to meditate on day and night. A battle worth fighting is inside our mind.

Suicidal persons also have a war going on in their minds. For although they have a wish to die, they also have a parallel wish to be rescued. Most of suicidal persons send out pleas for help. Some may speak about their intentions, threaten or pen them down in songs and poems, some may isolate themselves, some may self mutilate and some may have a history of suicidal attempts. It would be unwise to label these signals of distress as ‘attention – seeking behaviours’ or ‘just a passing phase.’ Recognizing warning signs and timely intervention helps in prevention of suicidal deaths. So don’t overlook the perpetually angry neighbour, the withdrawn teenager, the unkempt student in the class, the alcoholic husband, the depressed wife and the chronically absent employee. They require help.

Furthermore, as parents, educators and counselors we have a responsibility to progressively train our children to understand that offences are inevitable but feeling bitter is optional, that trials produce character, that they can walk with their heads held high despite failures or personal mistakes, that happiness depends on the quality of one’s thoughts and that nerves of steel cannot be developed in the absence of opposition, rejection, criticisms, pressure and right believing.